Time. It's only for us mortals, something God created just for our lives here on earth. I have a dysfunctional relationship with Time. I want more hours in the day to get more done, like many people I know (but then there's always the debate of whether or not that would actually happen). I give myself deadlines for things that really don't have deadlines and then beat myself up for not meeting my own pointless requirements. I want Time to stop rather often when it comes to my children growing up. This is the most unfair part of parenthood- Time is robbing me of my babies! Why do they have to grow up so fast?!! Not fair. Then there are the moments that can't get here fast enough- my recovery from injury, date night with Tyler, the day when I can go for a run and not have to worry someone is home with our children, the day when my children can get breakfast without my assistance. I just can't win. Deep breaths.
Summer is the absolute best season. Period. Well, except where I grew up- the Phoenix Valley. It's Hades' realm, no joke. I really don't understand why there are so many people that live there! Ok, rant over. Summer in the Salt Lake Valley is much, much better. Yes, it gets hot, but not 105+ hot. It cools of at night. The mountains are super close, there are lakes to boat in, swimming pools to enjoy, a fantastic growing season for gardening, and much more. Well, as Time would have it, the most wonderful time of the year ends shortly. Boo, hiss. Derek and I haven't really discussed the upcoming school year because I'm in denial. Good thing he loves school anyways.
Last summer was the summer from Hell. Our lives exploded- new baby, fender bender, my mom almost died, and Derek got diagnosed with leukemia. BOOM! This summer has been a dream! I enjoyed a sisters retreat in Park City, ran my favorite half marathon with my phenomenal oldest sister, got in a quick visit to the Tetons for my uncle's funeral (I learned A LOT about family- more on that later), had a fun Waddell family reunion in Boise (fabulous half-day river rafting trip among other fun adventures), and got to spend a few days at Flaming Gorge with the Canova's. Really, this all has to end? I'm not convinced. Guess I'm not in control. All in all, that's probably a good thing.
Not too long ago Derek said he sometimes forgets he has cancer. Going in every 4th Thursday sure allows for more normalcy. As luck would have it, one of said treatments was the same day as my uncle's funeral up in Teton Valley. That meant Tyler stayed behind to take him. I drove up to Heaven on Earth with my mom, Benjamin, and Zachary. My youngest sure learned the meaning of road trips this summer! As much as I love the Tetons, our little trip was disastrous. Zac struggled in the car a bit, both Ben and Zac didn't want me to leave them for a second at my aunt's bed and breakfast (keep in mind they're both every independent children), and their behavior during the actual funeral was deplorable. Who's children were these anyways? My cousin's 7 children were behaving perfectly! What gives?! I wanted to check myself in to a crazy house. I seriously asked myself why I even bothered going on that little trip.
At one point while I sat on the floor of the nursery in the church during the funeral, my mother told me my late father was proud of me. Sure, Mom. I was a complete basket case right then. What was there to be proud of- a complete lunatic for a daughter? Right...
Originally my reasoning had everything to do with my uncle taking my dad's place at my wedding. Out of all my dad's brothers, I felt the most connected with him. Sure, I hadn't seen him in years, but so what? Then, the reality of being there with the aforementioned behavior of Ben and Zac, I wondered what I'd been thinking. Sometimes I just get too confident. It felt like it was back-firing big time.
After I got home, I was able to review those 2 days from a different perspective. I remembered the stories my mom told me in the car of some of my ancestors. I watched my dad's siblings interact with each other (there are 9 total, 3 of which have passed away). These are people I've known and loved my whole life. I saw more of them this time than ever before. I saw some of the same behaviors and tendencies in myself. I understood more of where I come from. I understood why family matters, why societies hinge on how they define it. And I grew to love mine (immediate and distant) even more. Thankfully the price to learn that was just a few emotional days- my children weren't sold to the gypsies, and I refrained from checking myself in to that crazy house (probably because I didn't know where the closest one was).
And so, Time keeps moving forward. School starts for Derek soon, Benjamin's 2nd year of preschool is pending, Zachary keeps growing (despite me ordering him to stop), and my gray hairs keep multiplying. Whad'ya gonna do? I'd like to say I'm going to embrace it, but I know myself better than that. I'll probably keep kicking against the pricks, try to do too much in a given period of time, and get frustrated, yet again, that I couldn't be superhuman and get more done. When X genes start manifesting themselves, I already know what one I want- Class V, a Phoenix. All or nothing.
Til then, I guess I'll keep trying to live by faith, love and forgive more, serve my neighbor, and get my injured legs and hips back out on the road running lots of miles, and fast. I guess the fact that Time never does stop isn't so bad. There is a lot to look forward to.
No comments:
Post a Comment